Imagine your husband announcing that ‘he hates his life, his job, everything’. I was thrown into such turmoil trying to understand what was happening to me, to us. I came home from a week away with work. He wouldn’t kiss me, wouldn’t touch me, and wouldn’t talk to me. There was no explanation, no discussion. He was angry with me and wouldn’t even entertain the suggestion of getting some counselling or trying to work through it. He stated that he was ‘trying not to hate me’ which I couldn’t even understand the statement given we hadn’t had any issues in our relationship. He was being intentionally vague, with the ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me’ statement mentioned numerous times.
[Insert hindsight here] Obviously he was drafting his exit strategy………………….
I felt guilty that I had been working long hours and was completely exhausted and drained. Apparently he hated me for not cooking him dinner because I was getting home so late, falling asleep in front of the TV, not going to bed when he did and for working at home afterhours. I was utterly stressed out over workplace issues, long hours and excessive pressure to deliver. He did not support me through this and actually used this as an excuse to want to leave me.
[Insert hindsight here] Obviously he was working his exit strategy scope…..
I had always completely trusted and loved my husband so I dismissed the thought that he was having an affair. I focused on depression, mental health or a mid-life crisis as the reason for his irrational behaviour. I was completely distraught that my husband, my best friend, would not talk to me – he actually refused to speak to me. Thus began two weeks of mental abuse. He was cold, no emotions, no communication, no explanations.
[Insert hindsight here] Obviously he was working his exit strategy deployment………
We had done and shared everything together for the last 12 years and I was suddenly being ignored. I tried to suggest time off work together and going on a holiday which we had planned to do in a few months time. He said he ‘wanted to be alone’ and that he ‘probably wouldn’t be with me in a few months’. I questioned if there was someone else to which he denied the fact. He made random statements about how he was considering ‘whether or not to throw away the last 15 years of his life’.
[Insert hindsight here] Obviously he was working on his exit strategy milestones……………
I started researching depression and even rang a HelpLine which did not provide any assistance. The advice I received was that you can’t help someone that does want it. At this stage I was in denial that he could possibly be having an affair. You know, we are talking about the man that I thought I would be growing old with; the man that I loved and cherished; the man that I had supported through his own personal issues; the man that I devoted my life to; the man that I had help to develop, grow and educate; the man that I spoilt rotten with any demand always being met; the man that I made sacrifices for to ensure he was happy. How could this man possibly betray me?
[Insert hindsight here] Trust your initial instinct!